


Clouds

by tomatoarmada



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23801674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatoarmada/pseuds/tomatoarmada
Summary: Leo is filled with dark clouds, but Nico brought an umbrella.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Leo Valdez
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	Clouds

Clouds

Leo’s eyes darted around the Argo II as he sat in his old bunk.

The Giant War had finally ended, and everything seemed to be going so well. Piper and Jason were together, almost inseparable. Percy and Annabeth were happy as ever, still the camp’s favorite couple. Frank and Hazel were dating more seriously now. Everyone was happy. Well, almost everyone.

The Argo II was now set down in the woods near Cabin 9, ready for flight in case it was ever needed again. Leo liked to come down here often, to chat with Festus, make sure everything still ran smoothly, and honestly, to get away from all of the lovey-dovey couple crap.

Way back at the beginning of the war, Leo had started to feel more in tune with himself. He figured out that his fire abilities weren’t always a curse, and began to forgive himself for his mother’s death—even though that was the most painful thing that he could think of. He’d even started being open with his friends, telling them about his past, no matter how painful it was. It was too good to be true, and Leo knew that. Which is why when everything turned sour, he wasn’t surprised.

After he left Calypso’s island, promising her that he’d come back for her, he… changed. He couldn’t find as much humor in the world, like something vital was missing from him. It started like a dull ache in his chest, numbing wherever the feeling touched. If he gave it a color, it would be light grey, like clouds right before a storm. It wasn’t too bad at first, only a mild irritation that could easily be fought down if he thought enough happy thoughts.

It got worse, though, and by the end of the war the clouds in his chest were a dark grey, and they had spread almost everywhere, weighing down his limbs, dulling his emotions, and sapping the happy out of him and everything around him. Sure, he could still smile, but if you looked past it, into his eyes, there was no happiness in the upward curve of his lips, because that’s what it was. An upward curve of his lips. His face still remembered how to make the motion, but he really just couldn’t put his heart into it. 

Eventually the clouds got so dark and thick that they were just roiling inside of him, making him tired and heavy. He spent almost all of his free time on the Argo II now, sitting on his bunk and staring at the wall. He spent hours just sitting, staring. Sitting, staring. Staring. Sitting. He was so tired nowadays that he didn’t even have enough energy to pull something out of his tool belt to play with.

Sometimes he’d go down to the engine room and make sure nothing was wrong. If there was a broken part, he’d fix it. If something rusted, he’d replace it. Sometimes he got hurt. He would never admit it, but he didn’t care if he did. That was the only time that he felt anything. It’s not that he didn’t want to feel things, but he really just couldn’t.

People started getting worried about him. He was never at camp, he never talked to anyone, he always came back with so many cuts and bruises that he looked like he was purposefully being careless. Maybe he was, Leo really didn’t know. He just kind of… went through the day in a stupor, sometimes not even sure he woke up that morning. He found himself wondering if it would be such a bad thing if he just didn’t wake up one morning.

Then people started to really get worried. It was rare that he was ever in his cabin; he passed the Head Counsellorship down to the next person in line. He spent most every day on the Argo II, replaying battle scenes and chats he had with Piper and Jason, Percy and Annabeth, Frank and Hazel, and sometimes even Nico, in his head. He didn’t feel so… empty when he did that. People asked what was wrong; he said he didn’t know. He didn’t, how could he explain the cloud in his chest without sounding stupid? People asked him if they could help; he said no. How could they help if nobody knew what was wrong with him? People asked him too many things at once. Why wasn’t he ever at camp? Was he okay? What happened? Why wouldn’t he talk to anybody? Leo couldn’t ever find answers.

He thought about his mom a lot. He had almost come to terms with her death, like how it wasn’t his fault. But the more he thought, the guiltier he felt, replaying that day over and over and over and over again, trying to make sense, see how it wasn’t his fault. But it was. He got mad. He burnt the shop down. There was no way around it. He cried a lot, nowadays, thinking about his mom.

He cried a lot nowadays. Period. It was like the clouds just swallowed the dam holding back all of his tears, like the floodgates opened. Sometimes he cried quietly, just tears, no sound. Sometimes he got mad and screamed and raged and it took all of his energy not to combust when he cried. For some reason, he liked the second one better. At least he could feel something other than the suffocating pain in him.

Today was a quiet day. His head was resting against the wall, his legs swung so they hung off the bed. The tears had just stopped, leaving only tracks on his face. He tapped “I love you” in Morse code on his knee. He stared soundlessly at the wall. The door to his cabin opened, but he couldn’t bring himself to look to see who it was. It creaked open.

“I should probably oil that.” Leo said, still staring.

“That would be good.” Nico said gently.

Leo turned his head to look at the boy. His skin was a sickly white-green color, stretched thin over his bones. The dark bags under his eyes seemed to darken his whole face. He looked at Leo.

“Can I sit with you?” Leo nodded. They sat for a while, looking at the wall.

“It’s okay.” Nico said suddenly, making Leo jump. He raised an eyebrow, clearly confused as to where that came from.

“It’s okay.” Nico repeated. Leo looked at Nico and frowned, but he was still staring at the wall.

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Nico interrupted him, looking straight into his eyes.

“It’s okay.”

Leo’s lip trembled as Nico repeated the phrase over and over again. He backed into the corner with his knees against his chest and buried his face in them, sobbing.

Nico scooted to him and gathered Leo in his arms, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay,” and smoothing his curly hair back. Leo leaned into the frail boy, grabbing onto his black shirt like a lifeline. He buried his face in Nico’s shoulder and let the smaller boy comfort him while sobs racked his body.

“It—it’s not okay!” Leo choked out, suddenly finding himself telling Nico everything, from Tia Callida to his mother dying and his guilt, how unwanted he felt, all the way to Calypso and the dark cloud that had settled in him. The entire time Nico held the shaking boy, patting his hair and back, telling him everything would be alright. By the time Leo had calmed down he had also finished talking.

“Listen, Leo.” Nico said quietly. “I’m going to help you, okay? But you have to help yourself as well. Everyone’s worried sick about you. Hazel has been fighting with Frank because she thinks you’re upset about how he treats you sometimes.” Leo’s heart caught in his throat. He hadn’t wanted to make anyone upset. He didn’t think anybody cared. “Hey, Leo, I think you have depression. It’s not really all that uncommon in teens, but it is some pretty dark stuff. I know what you’re going through. You have to let other people help you. Annabeth and Percy helped me, so I’m going to try to do it for you. First, it’s not your fault. Gaea played you.”

Leo choked a little. “You’ve been told this a million times, I know, but it’s true. And I’ll see what I can do about Calypso. Seeing as Zeus doesn’t like me, probably not much. But I’ll try. Also, I know it’s hard, but try looking for the better things in life. Do things that make you happy. Build something really cool. Tell jokes, even if they’re not funny, like you used to.” Leo looked taken aback. “Don’t tell me you thought your jokes were funny before.” Nico rolled his eyes. “Now, I want you to walk right back into that camp and go find your friends. I’m sure they’ll love to see you.” Nico stood and offered Leo a smile before heading towards the door. Leo grabbed his arm.

“Don’t you mean our friends? I’m not going back unless you come with me.” Nico dropped his head and looked at Leo with tired eyes.

“Really. You’re going to play that card.”

“Just did.”

Nico groaned and kneaded his temple with a knuckle. After a long silence he sighed. “Fine. I don’t have anything better to do today.”

Leo’s eyes lit up just a little when he said that. Maybe, he thought, just maybe, this wouldn’t be as hard as he thought. Maybe he just needed some inspiration, a wake-up call.

Nico and Leo found their friends at camp, sitting on the porch at the Big House. They looked slightly surprised to see the two, especially together, but welcomed them with open arms and bright smiles, excited to see Leo smiling back and cracking jokes.

Leo took a second to glance at Nico, who was busy telling Percy not to call him ‘Neeks’, and smiled. He could almost feel some weight being taken off his shoulders, like the cloud in him had parted a tiny bit to let in some sunshine. 

It was one of the greatest feelings in the world, Leo decided.


End file.
